Lately, I have been mainly watching the Food Network. From this, I have learned that everyone in America joyfully eats giant amounts of healthy, hearty, home-cooked food and is always cheerful and family-oriented. I am not mocking. I have come to love Ina Garten and Gus Fieri.
The Food Network is confusing, however, as I have also been watching the true crime channels, from which I learn that most people in America are doped out their minds and are crazed murderers. The rest are murderees.
Judging by the adverts, everyone in Britain is in debt and joyfully signing up for instant loans at (wait for it) 1500% interest. And then they are buying shoes, sofas, bathrooms and cars online. Everything, but everything is online and people are growing into the shape of their sofas downloading EVERY PROGRAMME MADE EVER to watch on their giant TVs. Oh, and bingo. Non-stop, on-the-go bingo on your phones, especially marketed at the lay-deez. Making bingo pink makes it, um, feminist. You’ve come a long way, baby.
Ah, Freeview. I haven’t watched terrestrial television for months. I tried. Yet another someone is building a giant dream mansion into which they are sinking their life savings, their hopes and dreams, their marriage and their family’s future. Recession? There’ll never be a r
And there is The News. I have finally worked out that there is no new news. There is war. There is invasion. There is war, famine, pestilence and death. There is politics. Same as the old politics.
Time for some abstinence, then.
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